I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
Again I went to the place where it hurts the most. I force myself to go again and again. Even though on a pleasant occasion this time: my 8th Tori Amos concert. I walked through the streets and I felt like I don´t belong there, like someone who walks through an abandoned battlefield and remembers the way it was lost. I know one day I´ll probably be cold, but it´s still such a long way to go until I get there, this I notice every time I´m in the cold city of F.
Now everybody who´s never seen Tori is certainly missing one of the best live music shows that are available nowadays. It´s just amazing to see somebody play on two pianos at the same time, dancing around between them, feeling utterly comfortable at what she´s doing and delivering an excellent performance in between. Someone in the audience called: You´re so sexy! And that really describes it best: This woman plays and sings like the devil and even manages to look beautiful doing it. A big highlight for the insiders: she played “The wrong band”, which she hasn´t done for 10 years or so.

Lessons learned from the tourbook:
Clyde says: Every given situation could have a more positive outcome if all involved could step into their potential. What holds us back? I wonder about this a lot. But I know in my heart that a person can change all because we don´t just give up on them. It takes patience. And can be beyond frustrating. Giving people a second change or the opportunity to do the right thing has always been my way. Is it disappointing? It can be, yes. There are moments when people I care about will choose the ugly response. Maybe they become consumed with their own blind desire and could care less who they take down as a result. What a result. Have I accredited a person with far more benelovent characterisitics than they deserve? The future has shown me that this is a fact.
Pip says: Outer layers that have exploded violently are now only remnants, clouds of dust. She, a once stable star now labeled as unstable. After they exhaust everything else in their cores, they are unable to withstand internal pressure.
Santa says: Marriage… am I afraid of it? I have friends who are married. Some are turned out. Some are turned down. Some are turned off. They all tell me, “It takes work.” I tell them love is not work. “Oh but it is,” I am told. With tears of agony she will say, “Love brings pain, Santa.” No. Rejection brings pain. Rejection from love or from the person you love. But before the rejection, I say, there is something else. An inability to see the other ones needs. Or, a decision to put your needs aside when they are not being met. To all of this there are unforeseen consequences. When you are in love you meet eacht other´s needs. You forgive. Because you value this substance that cannot be found in a bottle of fake spirits or of perfume. Why do we stop holding it dear? Looking at that person that brought you to the highest highs at one time, you ask how did we get here? A land where lovers starve. Love is ever changing. Not all lovers were meant to be together through their whole life. Some of us prepare a lover for their next relationship. Some of us have gone as far as we want to go in another relationship. Some of us don´t want to bail but we can´t seem to restart the engine to pull ourselves out of the depths. But when love is what propels you, for your mate as well as yourself, then you find the right answer.
Thank you, girls, for sharing your opinion with me.