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I doubt my own depth

9. Juli 2003

Of course I believe that many people are superficial and no, I am not like that. Now how on earth does measurement work, does my personal measurement work? Because sometimes I do doubt my own depth. I believe in loving people for what they are, but sometimes I get a feeling, which makes me doubt everything I am. And the thing is: men make me forget my depth. So, it´s them and their appearance, it´s this “tú sabes que estoy a tus pies”-thing. They open my pandora´s box, which is full of my surface I´ve managed to scratch off through all these years.

Yes, I feel pity for the woman who has to go to prison because of being obsessed with Mel Gibson. I don´t understand the Mel-Gibson-part of it, but I understand that she´s attracted to someone by merely seeing his face and body. And let me tell you, it´s not the feeling men have for pin-ups, for Playboys starring naked women. When I look at a man and he is attractive to me, a jar opens inside me, and a thick, bittersweet liquid runs out of it and flows under my skin, making me feel comfortable and at the same time making me feel an eternal lack.

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